Hawaii with a Baby is Different From Honeymoon Hawaii

If anything was a marker for how things have changed for our family, it was a trip to Hawaii (for a similar theme, see last post about Big Bear). The last time we'd gone, it was to Maui for our honeymoon. M and I snorkeled, ziplined, went horseback riding, relaxed in hot tubs, and went out to restaurants every night. We had no one to look out for but ourselves, and our lives stretched out in front of us unmarked by worry or care.

This time, our friends Jenn and John, brave souls that they were, joined us and our new addition. This was going to be a trip to Oahu, the North Shore, and it was very clear to me that the week would be largely separated into two categories: surf for M and John, and eating for Jenn and me. And that is pretty much what happened. M and John met up with John's friends and experienced scary waves amid even scarier reefs...and Jenn and I ate our weight in poke, spam masubi, and shaved ice while talking about everything under the sun. We also kept a finger ready to dial 911 while we looked for our men from the safety of the beach.

I was also happy to see John and Jenn maximize their child-free time by getting up to see the sunrise, snorkeling at whim, going bike riding, and enjoying sunsets, while M and I...did not do that stuff. We did couple up at appropriate times, such as for Valentine's Day and for M's and my anniversary, so things worked out for everyone.

Oh! And we also had a baby with us, one with whom I inadvertently practiced attachment parenting. Baby C screamed bloody murder the first night I attempted to put him in the Pack 'N Play crib, so we co-slept with him all week to ensure our friends were able to sleep. We left the stroller at home in lieu of surfboards, so Baby C was Ergo'ed up everywhere we went, and slept peacefully in my lap at restaurants. We got about as much cooperation as we could expect from a teething 7.5-month-old. He kept his crying to only a couple car rides alone with M and me, luckily, and saved his one giant diaper blowout for an outing at Hanauma Bay toward the end of the trip.

The view from our AirBnB. The landlord's name was Love, because of course it was.

Unsuspecting travel nanny #1

Unsuspecting travel nanny #2

The giant, messy waves that Jenn and I gazed upon with fear as we searched for our men, who were usually in a completely different spot than we thought to look.

Jenn and I, supporting the local economy, one spam masubi purchase at a time.

A post-surf, pre-shaved ice lunch break with poke bowls from the deli at Foodland, our gourmet culinary choice on most days.

My first public postpartum pic in a bikini. I am so brave.

On Sunday, we went to Harbor Church North Shore with John's friends Dustin and Britt. I should mention here that they are a husband and wife team who are both hardcore surfers with giant hearts and no fear. It was humbling to be welcomed so warmly into their local community.

That sheen on my forehead would be the sweat from carrying a giant baby all week and keeping him from swiping my shaved ice.

As you can see, Baby C could not be more excited about being in Hawaii.

In hindsight, everything went fairly smoothly, but it is just...different (less liberating? like being sandbagged?) to vacation with a baby. Every activity was weighted in my mind by factors such as convenience and accessibility, whether it was during naptime, and whether I would be able to nurse or change Baby C's diaper. Jenn at some point mentioned the possibility of a helicopter ride over the island, and my first thought was, "I don't think we've taken out enough life insurance."

I will say this, though: on our honeymoon, M and I uttered lovey dovey words and gazed into each other's eyes with adoration. But I don't think I really understood adoration until I watched M lug a heavy (and largely useless) Pack 'n Play through the giant Honolulu airport. Or until I observed him gently cradle his son in one arm as he gazed out at Pipe, the break he'd been dying to see for the last decade. Or until he held down Baby C's hands so I could change his blown out diaper at the beach without fear of our son contracting Hand Foot Mouth disease. And then calmly watched as said son peed all over his beach towel.

At Hanauma Bay, I tried lowering Baby C into the water, and he started whimpering in fear. When M heard about it, he took his son back out to the water himself and tried to gently introduce positive associations with the water. I don't know if it worked or not, but I figure we have the rest of his life to make him do things he doesn't want to do. Ha! #tigermom

Come to think of it, he didn't super love his first experience with sand either. We may have to accept his future as an indoor mathlete.

Hawaii? Eh. Waves, sun and sand? Eh. Teething rings? Best things ever!!!!!!

All in all, it was a good trip. And the best part? When the passenger in front of me on the plane ride home turned around and said, "You have a really good baby." Mahalo!

And then our really good baby cried in the car all the way home from the airport. 

P.S. Thank you to our friend Deron for the ride to and from the airport. In return, we will make you unsuspecting travel nanny #3 for the next trip.

A Weekend in Big Bear = Unpleasant Reminder of Time's Relentless March

For my birthday, I thought it would be fun to book a weekend in Big Bear with my sister's family and a few close friends. I haven't been snowboarding in three years, I thought, and it would be nifty to do it again!

It turns out, turning 34, having a baby, and never working out will culminate in feeling like death while on the slopes. During my very first run of the weekend, I had a lot of regrets about my decision to get a two-day pass. My legs ached from just putting on heavy boots. I snowboarded skurred for most of the first day and felt like I couldn't gain any speed no matter how hard I worked. Young, lean girls in glittery tank tops and GoPro'ed helmets whizzed by me, and I paused to think the worst of them.

My sister and me, and behind us, the Trail of Tears.

The second day, I realized that making my boot laces substantially tighter helps a lot. With age, comes wisdom.

Also? Having kids along for a Big Bear trip is a huge game changer. When I organized this trip years ago, M and I were just dating, and none of our 10+ friends who were there had kids. We happily slept on air mattresses or shared beds, four or five to a room, and stayed out on the slopes pretty much all day, coming and going as we pleased, since the cabin I rented was so close. It was fun, it was communal, it was easy.

Our carefree, silly-hat wearing days three years ago. We could stay up all night and be fine snowboarding all day the next.

This year: our group passes the time pleasantly playing a card game, while M tries to coax the baby to eat more strained bananas.

This year, our rental was a 10-minute walk away. Not a big deal, I thought. WRONG. The men and women had to switch off snowboarding, so that the other half could take care of the three kids (my two nephews and Baby C), and we had to stuff as many runs as we could into a couple of hours or so, because the cabin was just far away enough that going in and out was not an option. The walk was hard and exhausting and there were hungry babies to nurse. The second day, when I came in from snowboarding at 3 p.m., M handed over our intermittently wailing son so that he could finally get a bite of lunch to eat (was I secretly pleased that M now had a taste of my everyday life? A little.).

Our stupid house, that I wished was a half mile closer to the chair lifts.

Also? Everyone in our group this year was close to their thirties, or well into them. People our age have by now decided how we like to spend our time, and doing things just for novelty's sake is so five years ago. That means that some of us went snowboarding, and others went hiking, or fishing, or on walks by the lake. I was pleased that everyone could do their own thing and have a great time, but I'll admit that it was an adjustment to not move like a school of fish, as we did when we rolled out together in our twenties. It's a different, less raucous, more sincere kind of fun. Like we're all growing up or something.

Also? Babies do not care if you have to snowboard the next day, or if there are non-family members present. They will cry at night when everyone else is trying to sleep, loudly, multiple times. And I am thankful for the understanding, gracious friends who were with us, who willingly took the babies from us so that we could go to the bathroom or grab our third cup of coffee. Our friends Holly and Jared are expecting their son in March, and given their patient and gentle handling of the kids this past weekend, they are ready. More ready than I feel today.

Holly, lovingly holding my son. Not pictured: me, taking advantage of two free hands to double fist birthday brownies.

As for Sean and Abby, our other friends who so gladly took on baby-sitting duties as well, I have decided that I will pay them to come live with us.

I will say, it was great for the kids to socialize with our friends. Baby C loved being held by different people, my one-year-old nephew Jack stayed busy toddling around to every person and smiling, and when everyone left to do their respective activities, my three-year-old nephew Donovan asked plaintively, "Where did all the people go, Mama?" As much as my sister and I were scrambling to keep the littles from crying, it was good for them to see that there was more to life than what revolved around them.

And, as always, M is due a shout-out for somehow hiding a delicious birthday cheesecake in a cooler under all our bags and bringing it to the mountain, for taking pains to make sure I had as much snowboarding and hot tubbing time as I wanted, and for cheerfully being the driver both ways.

All in all, this past weekend was fun and enjoyable, but my aching body and the fact that M and I packed a diaper pail alongside our board bags were troubling signs that life will never be again as it once was. But also? It's impossible to imagine wanting to go back to life back then. Happy birthday to me!